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Some teams rely on luck. Some hope for a joker. Mako Paddle Club bought a full deck and played it right. And what a competition it was. This one had all the makings of a Wild West showdown—dust in the air, big guns at the table, and our little regional outfit walking in like they’d been dealt a losing hand. But come game time, they played it cool, sharp, and just a little bit dangerous. Cards hit the table one by one—Senior A Mixed GOLD, Senior A Mixed SILVER, and a gritty Premier Women BRONZE—marking a clean hat trick against the odds. And here’s the kicker: this wasn’t some stacked deck. The Premier Women rode in with just four true Prem riders, the rest seasoned campaigners; the Premier Men scraped together eleven men and seven women, only five of them top-tier; and half the crew barely had time to reshuffle before backing up and riding again as Senior A. Gold. Silver. Bronze. Three medals. One very deliberate hat trick.
But first onto the real goss……
AB’s Extremeties
Our much-loved Beaker of many hairstyles is always talked about and certainly didn’t disappoint us for material at this event. Few knew that AB suffers from EMS (Enormous Brain Syndrome) and has to have hoodies custom made for his gigantic grey matter. The merchandise stand was not equipped for the job, so poor AB had to resort to Dumbo-ing his way around the venue.
Morality considerations prevent us from posting a picture of his other extremity. The size of his nether regions has become dragon boating folklore and often used to describe the distance between boats on a finish line. Whereas most people might use ‘a bee’s d*#k’ to describe a distance of inches, in the dragon boating world the term is “AB’s d*#@k”. We’ll let you figure out that exact measurement for yourself 😉
Planes, Trains and Ubers
Special mention to our mates in far-flung places, Bryn and Tom. Their journey from Queensland involved a plane, a train, an uber, and possibly a pack camel. It was an epic trek of 1500kms and thousands of dollars across the Sunburnt Country just to get to the start line, proving that no distance is too great when there’s a paddle to be swung and a Mako shirt to be worn.
Oh yeah, and Rob farted
Lady Whistledown Lives
Dear Gentle Reader,
It is with both admiration and mild exhaustion that I present to you the curious case of Miss Jac Smith, a lady whose conversational talents rival even the most persistent town crier. Indeed, her gift for making acquaintances across the breadth of the country is matched only by her inability to cease speaking long enough to draw breath. One hears whispers that during a most routine visit to have her blood pressure taken on site, poor Jax proved so delightfully unstoppable in her chatter that the attending nurse, in a moment of quiet desperation, was forced to improvise a most unorthodox solution. Whether this was for medical accuracy or mere survival remains a topic of great debate. One thing, however, is certain: silence, for Miss Jax, is simply not an option.
Slim Dusty Spotted
Give Me a Home Among the Gum Trees… with lots of plum trees, a sheep or two, and Celeste’s campsite. While the young guns in the Premier division were busy with their high-tech recovery shakes, the Mako camp was channeling pure country. Celeste’s setup was so quintessentially Australiana—nestled right in the shade of the gums—that we half-expected a koala to drop in for a tactical briefing. But if Celeste had the “Home,” Simon had the “Pub.” His choice of the Blue Cattle Dog Hotel was a masterstroke of local immersion. It’s the kind of place where the carpets have chalk outlines and the schnitzels are chipped from the permafrost. Meanwhile, Brenda was living her own Underbelly spin-off at her digs. We won’t ask for details, but let’s just say she was checking the perimeter for “colourful characters” before every heat.
Babs WE SEE YOU
Speaking of colourful characters, this was our very own Babs’s irst time sweeping at the State Championship and as we know there are rules for everything. We think she took compliance to DBNSW directives a little too far this time. The email said ‘wear something bright’… but our overachiever clearly read ‘arrive as a human traffic cone in a fluro orange sumo suit”. Don’t let the outfit fool you though, she swept up an absolute storm, managed the side breezes and currents like a boss, and managed to go home with a hat trick of shiny things around her neck. We will all be sending you our bills from the ophthalmologist consults tho Babs, just saying.
Hobo Splits his Pants
Every club has a 6’4 red-bearded Viking larrakin don’t they? We certainly do. Hyped up from a breakfast of ice cream and twiggy sticks, Hobo embraced the sugar rush to knock out a warmup routine that had the crowd in stiches and an appointment with the seamstress. Needless to say we were very grateful the camera was not at the other end to capture the spillage.
Kezza Escapes the Asylum
By Day 2, Kezza’s shady past was starting to show and the “Wilmot Warm-up” had reached its final form. To the casual observer, it looked like a group of escaped lunatics performing a ritual dance to the sun. But once we hit the water, that weirdo energy morphed into a spectacular, synchronized machine and produced the goods. Nice one Krazy Kez.
The Racing
5 Prems + 28 not prems woke up, warmed up and stepped up to produce an unbelievable performance at the 2026 State Champs. Racing Premier and Senior A 20s with so few paddlers was always going to be a challenge, but the power of the Season Plan and Coach Chicki’s tailored training proved that Mako really has the #mojo.
Premier Opens had 2 blistering heats amongst the biggest players in the State, made it to a Grand Final and smashed out the race of the day to take a 4th place with just 11 men, 7 chicks and 18 overall. Gobsmacking.
Premier Women kept improving across the day, improving times and snatched a bronze when everyone was looking the other way.
Premier Mixed fought valiantly in the strongest category of the competition and held their own in the 500m Grand Final.
And Senior A smashed it out of the ballpark and made history with a GOLD in the 500m and a SILVER in the 200m.
Do we do it for the medals? Hell no. Take a look at the photos below and you’ll see why we race. For each other, for the shenanigans, for the mateship and for the journey. The smiles are the reward, the shiny things a tangible reminder of the little white club doing extraordinary things.
A huge thank you to Kaz Roberts for volunteering, to DBNSW for an amazing event, to Club Jervis Bay for your continued support and most of all to you. To us. Mako. Bringing joy to so many. #makomojo.
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