by 
Stop the press. Mako’s newest celebrity paddler has hit the headlines and the blowback from around the country is huge.
Mako packed their bags and headed to Canberra this weekend in usual fashion, excited to race and do their best against some of the strongest clubs in the country. Little did we know that a celebrity was lurking in our midst, masquerading as any ordinary paddler.
We didn’t really think anything of it when the marshals were so distracted they were letting boats run aground. We thought it strange when resident bad boy Peter “Pix” Wheatley came running over waving an autograph book as we exited for our first race. Heading to the start line, we did start to wonder why other crews stopping paddling and began pointing and whispering. But when the starting boat stopped the starting sequence to come and ask us whether the lanes and boats were in order and did we need anything, we started to think ‘hang on a minute’.
And then a shaft of sunshine crept through the clouds like the finger of God and illuminated our drummer, lighting her up with a halo of gold…….and we knew. Holy Mako it’s DJ Reeves. The Holy Mecca of rap, the mentor to Tiësto and Eminem…the lady with the Kangol hat and C Décor shades was firmly perched on our drum spinning Beatz down the course. ..… Snoop Dog has got nothing on this gangsta drummer, she spun that drum like the real Slim Shady. ……..give it up for DJ Maria. Woop woop.
Under the expert Scratching of DJ Reeves, the Mako crew took the windy water in our 3rd regatta this season, and the first 2000m races most of us have ever raced.
Opens 2000m was up first, and with only 6 men in the crew, the pressure was on the lads to hold their own. And they did. With a cracking start, and about 500L of water in the boat, Salty Sea Dog Bear wrangled the boat around the turns like a maestro. Rookies Christine, Liz and Jacquie in the sprint room were channelling their inner dragon and making animal noises to rival Taronga Zoo sleepovers, showing the fight and guts to rival the most experienced paddler. Well done ladies. Well done crew. Well done Bear.
Mixed 2000m was next up and, no surprise, the same 6 men again (hats off lads) and a few fresh Mako ladies in the sprint room. And what a difference that made. The crew were feisty, the heart was large and the boat rampaged around some strategically-brilliant lines by Bear to smash past 2 boats and finish with a drag-em-out bitch fight on the last leg.
Wiping the lactic vomit off our chins, we hustled it into our 10s crews and smashed out some 200m racing with some pretty bloody funny moments:
- Human pretzel Liz Rivard had spectators questioning their Kama Sutra instruction books, but gave us all a lesson in stretching.
- Against all advice, someone gave Christine “Stevie Wonder” a drumstick, and against all logic, rhythm and visual cues she drummed like one demonically possessed. It’s lucky she paddles like an Amazon.
- Our newest member Jacquie prefers to pray to the dragon gods and howl like an animal to prepare for races and by gosh it works. This Mako is proof that a pint-sized body can unleash some giant hell in a dragon boat and she well and truly held her own.
Open and Women’s’ crews performed strongly, and perhaps the highlight of the afternoon mixed racing was Mako Hungry and Mako Angry duking it out over the course in a race against ourselves. Superstroke Janine could not believe the result, having hiked cross-country in a 10km valiant effort to secure results. A dead tie! Down to 4 hundredths of a second, it seems that all Mako are equally brilliant.
Who won?
Who cares?
Did we start (or finish) in our own lanes?
Hell no.
Did we have a ball, laugh our asses off and throw our best Mako spirit onto the racecourse?
That’s a thumbs up from us.
Thanks to DBACT for putting on a brilliant regatta as always. Thanks to the volunteers and marshals and volunteers. Thanks to our competitors and spectators. And thanks to Mako. The little club with the Pharlap heart that absolutely. Refuses. To give up.
Well played Mako, well played.
